Reminiscence
by The Dane
Summary: Gendo looks back on his life as another ending for NGE unfolds


Disclaimer: Unless I've suddenly become co-owner of GAINAX and Metallica, I have no part of this.  
  
I don't make money on it, and it's probably a waste of time (but a good way to waste time ^_^ )  
  
...what the hell, I've got nothing better to do ^_^ so just enjoy it while you can!  
  
  
Reminiscence:  
  
  
Gendo sat in his office chair, he looked out the window with a panoramic view over the Geofront.  
  
He was thinking back over his life, the things he had done. The people he had met...Yui,   
  
Fuyutski, Shinji...his son. Gendo closed his eyes as a swift spasm of what could have been  
  
mistaken for...sorrow, had it not come from such a man as Gendo Ikari. The heartless leader of  
  
NERV. The organisation who protected the earth.  
  
Gendo remembered his own childhood as he thought of Shinji  
  
  
(New blood joins this earth, and quickly he's subdued.)  
  
  
The taunts from the bigger boys, the ignorance of his classmates. The...loneliness, solitude that  
  
left a void in his heart to great to fill. A void where others would have emotions.  
  
  
(Through constant pained disgrace the young boy learns their rules.)  
  
  
He had learned to get by on his own the hard way, when both his parents died in a plane crash.  
  
Gendo still remembered how he had been looked upon with condescending pity. He had been disgusted  
  
at the notion of crying. His parents were _dead_, nothing would ever bring them back. No tears, no  
  
guilt placed upon anyone would revive them, or bring back the proud swagger of his father's walk,  
  
or the bell-like clearness of his mother's laugh.  
  
  
(With time the child draws in, this whipping-boy done wrong.)  
  
  
But none the less Gendo coped. He internalized his feelings and emotions. He had no use for such  
  
things. He knew how to interact with other people. That was sufficient.  
  
  
(Deprived of all his thoughts.)  
  
  
Gendo was painfully aware, though, that he lacked something that the others seemed to have in  
  
abundance. True joy. Sure, he could recognize happiness, he could even laugh at a joke or two  
  
but the pure joy that radiated from other people sometimes was a unfamiliar feeling to the young,  
  
alienated Gendo.  
  
  
(The young man struggles, on and on. He's known)  
  
  
He had replaced the lack of joy with hatred and cold. He knew those feelings well. Many were  
  
the times that he had been the butt of a cruel joke or prank played by his 'friends'.  
  
  
(A vow throughout his own, that never from this day, his will they'll take away.)  
  
  
And Gendo had sworn that no one would _never, ever_ get the best of him again.  
  
He developed his intellect. He took up martial arts. And for a time he was content.  
  
  
(What I've felt, what I've known.  
  
Never shined through in what I've shown.)  
  
  
He stared at the reflection of himself in the window glass, wondering if he had ever really  
  
lived.  
  
  
(Never be, never see, won't see what might have been.)  
  
  
He turned the chair to face his desk and opened a drawer he rarely used these days.  
  
A drawer that contained pictures of his...family. Pictures from his wedding, Pictures of Yui  
  
holding Shinji. Of Shinji showing some obscure treasure he had found in the forest to his mother,  
  
Yui...Shinji's mother...HIS wife, Gendo Ikari's beautiful, vibrant happy wife.  
  
  
(What I've felt, what I've known.  
  
Never shined through in what I've shown.)  
  
  
And he had never even shown _her_ what he really felt. She had taught him compassion, and he had  
  
forgotten as soon as she died. Gendo slammed the pictures down into the drawer once more.  
  
  
(Never free, never me.  
  
So I dub thee Unforgiven.)  
  
  
But he paused to look at a picture of Yui, smiling, carrying a sleeping baby Shinji on her back.  
  
His hands quivered for a moment and he swallowed the lump in his throat. He silently, reverently,  
  
gently lay the picture back into the drawer. _This_ was truly all that remained. He did not know  
  
why he had lied to Shinji about the pictures, maybe it had been instinctive. He sighed, stood up  
  
and made his way to the conference room. Seele would be getting impatient by now. He grinned  
  
slightly...they could try and control him by cutting budgets and restricting his knowledge, but  
  
they would soon find out who calles the 'shots'.  
  
  
(They dedicate their lives to running all of his.  
  
He tries to please them all.  
  
A bitter man he is.)  
  
  
He looked at the silent monoliths that represented the council members, the old men. Gendo's evil  
  
grin was barely visible from behind his folded, gloved hands.  
  
Soon all would fall into place. Vengeance would be his. "Show yourselves" He growled dangerously.  
  
"You forget your place Ikari." Snapped Kiel. But none the less, his tone if voice convinced the  
  
old men to show their true figures.  
  
  
(Throughout his life the same, he's battled constantly.)  
  
  
Gendo looked directly at Kiel. The German sneered at him. "What do you want, Ikari? Why did you  
  
call for a meeting?" Gendo gave them that unpleasant smile of his, a predator showing off his  
  
fangs to the prey. He knew it was a no-win situation. Seele had most likely already begun to   
  
plan his death.  
  
  
(This fight he cannot win, a tired man they see.  
  
No longer cares.)  
  
  
Gendo stood up and pulled a little black cylinder out of his pocket. "What is this, Ikari?" One of  
  
the other coucil members demanded. Gendo dropped his smile and any pretence of amiability and  
  
pushed the button on the end of the cylinder as he said: "For you, Yui."  
  
The bombs implanted in each chair of each council member exploded simultaneously, blasting the  
  
wretched old bastards screaming to the burning hells all that was left was the static of the  
  
abrubtly terminated transmission...  
  
  
(The old man then prepares to die regretfully.  
  
That old man there is me.)  
  
  
He pulled out a wakazashi short-sword he had been given by his Kendo Master a long time ago.  
  
"You will know when to use it," the man had said. And Gendo now knew that he had to use it.  
  
  
(What I've felt, what I've known.  
  
Never shined through in what I've shown.)  
  
  
Once again Gendo looked back on all the things he had done and now tears came freely.  
  
He took off his jacket and his shirt and knelt, pointing the sword where his withered  
  
clump of a heart were. He thought of Shinji again.  
  
  
(Never be never see, won't see what might have been.)  
  
  
They were more alike, father and son, than either cared to admit. Gendo knew why Shinji ran.  
  
He had run for the same reasons so long time ago: Truth hurts. And running is so much easier than  
  
just accepting the pain truth and life inflict upon you.  
  
He knew why Shinji ran from him. For the same reasons as why he ran from Shinji...  
  
  
(What I've felt, what I've known.  
  
Never shined through in what I've shown.)  
  
  
Shinji was reading the note he had recieved earlier that day, he digested each curt and  
  
precise word carefully before putting down the paper with his father's last will.  
  
'Destroy all of the Evangelion units. These weapons must not fall into the wrong hands. And the  
  
only sure way for that to happen is to initiate their self-destruction. Destroy them and then  
  
the world shall finally be safe once more. May God have mercy upon us...' This note had been  
  
delivered to all NERV personell directly involved in the Evangelion project. But Shinji's note  
  
had been supplied with an additional envelope. Inside was a letter and a photograph.  
  
'My son. I never told you how well you took after your father. I also ran that day so long ago  
  
I did not leave you. I simply ran, now I can run no longer, and I have taken my final stand.  
  
Shinji, please...' Here the writing wavered. '...please do not hate me. I know what I have done  
  
and now the price is paid in full: Eye for an eye...' And in the envelope Shinji found two  
  
pictures.   
  
  
(Never free, never me.  
  
So I dub thee Unforgiven.)  
  
  
One of him clinging to his mother's back even in sleep, her smile radiating the purest of joy.  
  
And one of him and his father. A young, beardless Gendo Ikari holding up his son in  
  
his arms. Smiling as only a proud father would...but the face of that Gendo was what disturbed  
  
him the most. Shinji stared at what he would be in some years and shuddered as he recalled his  
  
father's words "I'm proud of you Shinji..." the lines of an old song came to his mind "...I'm  
  
you. Sad but true."  
  
Then he noticed the little P.S. written on the picture:  
  
_But I fear that I will still remain Unforgiven to you._ "No, father," Shinji whispered to  
  
himself. "I forgive you..." Then he swallowed his tears and prepared to leave for NERV and the  
  
fulfillment of his father's last will...  
  
  
THE END.  
  
  
Author's note: So, hope you liked it. (I'd be fooling myself if I didn't ^_~ ) Please review.  
  
And if you're hoping for more, then I have a Misato songfic comin' up and plans for a (serious)  
  
NGE continuation fic. And if you think it sucked...that's your problem, write me if you wanna  
  
discuss it and don't if you just wanna unload crap!  
  
And another thing. This _is_ after all the angels have been there so they don't have to worry  
  
about being totally annihilated. And yes, one CAN self-destruct an Eva without killing the pilot,  
  
remember that Rei II chose to contain the angel within her Eva when she was...infested...by that  
  
Zerg wannabe thingie. As I recall she said something about keeping her A.T. field up...anyway  
  
My beta-reader posed that question about the pilots being unable to self-destruct the Evas without  
  
dying themselves...but if you doubt me, watch the movie and listen to what Miss Ayanami says.  
  
(I don't know how many angels there truly are in the movies or if there even is any in the EoE or  
  
Death and Rebirth movies...haven't seen 'em sadly ^_^;; )  
  
That being said...Sayonara, bye bye, ta ta.  
  
Or in Danish: Farvel, hej hej! Ha' det godt. Vi ses. Tre varaner om dagen gi'r en smuk teint.  
  
Bacon er godt for hjertet og gedepis varmer godt på en kold morgen!  
  
(If you understood this you're either a dane or just very smart ^_^ these two things are commonly  
  
combined in the regular danish population.) 


End file.
